We have just left Phedang. Next, we must climb over Deorali in order to get to Dzongri where we will camp for the night. Some elevations for comparison (from secondary and tertiary sources):
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Chicago
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176m (579ft)
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Delhi
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216m (709ft)
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Bengaluru
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920m (3,020ft)
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Yuksom
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1,780m (5,840ft)
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Phedang
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3,650m (12,000ft)
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Deorali Top
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4,100m (13,500ft)
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Goecha La
(1st viewpt)
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4,600m (15,100ft)
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Everest (N)
Base Camp
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5,150m (16,900ft)
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Elevation of 1,500–3,500m (4,900–11,500ft) is considered high altitude. Every little increase in altitude makes it so much more difficult for the body to perform. This is my second day in high altitude. Everyone’s body is different and it may take days for it to adjust to functioning on less oxygen. This little hill will push my limits.
I feel like I am moving in slow motion. I am. Ravi is a few steps ahead of me most of the time. I consider if turning around is an option. No, I am too tired to keep going at all. Up or down. Might as well keep going up. I could die here. We are too far from civilization if I needed urgent care. I have to do this. No one else will do this for me. I am doing this. I am.
And thus the name of my blog: I say I am. Despite what others may say - including my own doubt and fear that I can't, that I won't, or that I'm not - I say I am. I move so slowly. I stop every 2 minutes to catch my breath. Everything is heavy. There is suffocating pressure on my chest. If only I could come out of my body. It's holding me back.
I have to sit and rest every 20 minutes. Every 10 minutes. I don’t move very far in 10 minutes. When will this awful incline end. It is sandy, stony, grey. Shrubbery here and there. No more trees. I could be on the moon. Ravi is a few steps ahead of me. At my rate, he is a million miles away. He says, come on, let's go. I'm too wiped out to feel the irritation I usually feel when I hear him say, let's go.
I am sitting on a jagged stone. More like leaning against it so that it holds up the weight of my pack. Waiting for my breath to slow down. I look at Ravi. Yeah, I know, I see you. I will move when it's humanly possible for me. But my breath never quite recovers. 2 minutes. I can’t sit here more than 2 minutes. I know what the rush is. The sun is setting. It is dusk. Hard to see now. It will be completely dark before we reach Dzongri. We will have to maneuver our way through the dark. I know this, but I can't move any faster.
I sit on this stone thinking about that Bengali tiger a coworker joked about. I could be eaten alive right now. No, maybe a bear. Ravi says Phedang is known for Himalayan bears. Or maybe a vulture. I look at the sky to see if anything of the sort might have its eye on me. I have absolutely no extra strength at this moment. I can't run. I am barely sitting up. To die by suffocation. Helpless. I can't keep sitting. My breath will not recover quickly enough for this. It will be dark soon. I move.
I reach the top. We have to put our headlamps on. I make a note to myself to bring a more robust lamp next time. We walk silently. Complete darkness surrounds us. The path is level now. I see . . . light. Ravi sees it too. Someone is coming our way. Who is it? It is our cook. He meets us. He was worried about us and has come looking for us. Ravi asks the cook to take my pack from me. He takes it from me and puts it on one shoulder like it’s a feather. I am too drained to have any type of reaction to this.
I am walking. Or am I floating. I could be a ghost. We reach the camp at 6:30 p.m. I see our tents are up. I am so grateful. I climb into the tent, take my boots off, and lie down in a fetal position and rest my head on my pack. Ravi comes by in a few minutes and says you have to eat. What? I am resting now. The cook comes over with dinner. I prop myself up and eat, but I really don't have much of an appetite right now.
I have to take my sleeping bag out. Everything is a chore. Pee. I have to pee. I don’t know these grounds. It is so wide open here. I go straight ahead in the middle of an open field and turn off my headlamp. I return to the tent and fall asleep for a few hours. I have to pee again. I feel a little rested. I unzip the tent and I see a full moon. Wow. So still and silent. I almost don’t need the headlamp. I return to the tent and fall asleep again.
Next: Dzongri – A day of rest.
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